Dil Be-chara

A beautifully crafted movie with loads of emotions, teary eyed scenes in a short span of time. This is not just a movie for a lot of us, it is our last chance to see a beautiful soul working hard to prove to us how we ignored him until now.

Sushant Singh Rajput today is a household name, a name that flashes on our TV sets and we can’t stop thinking that if he told the world how he was suffering, would they support him, would we as fans support him. Did it take him to die to prove to us his worth and for us to act upon..

The media is all over the place pointing it as a murder, fan believe that it is a murder too as such an intelligent, positive boy; one fine morning decided to end his life. If media and posts are to be believed he was playing Call of duty minutes before he died, which raises a lot of questions.

Dil Bechara felt to me as if the universe knew it would be his last movie. This movie probably gave him a platform to show everyone that even when he was struggling, fighting within, he had that big smile and a heart to hold others dreams close to him. Manny, you taught us that however difficult times become for one, you should also help others and put a smile across their face when possible, however possible. Often the case is, such people are empty within and find it difficult to open up to others, maybe because they are scared to show how vulnerable they are… only if somebody told him that it is ok to open up, ok to share, ok to cry your heart aloud rather than saying a Goodbye….

Just like your movie, in reality you just went off suddenly, opening a channel of questions, an unforgettable pain to your family and friends. Manny, you deserved someone who could fulfil your dreams, just like you managed to fulfil Krizie’s dreams, someone could help you complete your tune too. Life is incomplete always unless we want it to feel complete.

I still cant believe you are no more, still in a state of shock, a denial. I still want to believe that after the movie ended, you would walk and applaud for your performance and i will get to see this talented star again. But unfortunately you are a star with other stars now right where you often spent hours staring at – “The Sky”.

As you said, ” Janam kab lena hai aur marna kab hai yeah hum decide nahi karte, par jeena kaise hai woh hum decide kar sakte hai”. You dint have to be strong, you just had to be normal….

Missed forever… loved forever… remembered infinity… “Seri”

#love #forever #sushant #lifeisincomplete

Hellooo… can u talk

The whole world is currently upside down, coronavirus indeed has made us realise that whatever you do never leave your family behind as they will always be there for you. It’s like a season of Money Heist… we have to be trapped inside a unrecognized place to know what we really want.. When the stakes on life is higher than money.

During this time there has been even more emphasis on health be it physical of mental. Being in a state of lockdown for more than 3 months, surely has taken a toll on all of us. But the least we could do is be grateful for what we have now unlike the thousands who are suffering to either have proper medical attention or to reach back homes alives. we are blessed to be home and have our stash of food and belongings.

In our busy days we hardly get the time to relax and chill, spend the quality time they say. This pandemic has taught us to spend quality with ourselves. There has been a rise in calls asking for help on mental health. Depression, anxiety, stress, loneliness, and many more to go. Wherever you go always take the time to appreciate what you have and what you can give, giving doesn’t has to be by hand, it could by simply making a call and checking on the people in your contact list who have been there for years but we hardly noticed. This one call could save someone’s life. The situations around are so tuff on some of us that we appreciate talking to even a stranger as he wont judge us.

Try to give as much as you can emotionally and mentally to others as monetary is temporary. What will be with you eventually is all the unspoken words, the desire to express and the longing for best wishes.

When you are alive make someone’s life better rather than crying over someones death.

That strange feeling…

Have you ever been lost.. not merely physically but mentally. you are in a group of friends, there is laughter around, jokes playing in the house, you are smiling and cheering for your friends and suddenly the next moment you just disconnect. You feel you are lost in between all this chaos, you are somewhere else and not in your friendzone anymore. You can hear them clearly but you are lost in your own world of thoughts. You cant connect to them. This happens unintentionally and you want to get back but you cant… you just sink inn and be there for a while… Does this happen to you….

Suddenly a sense of pain comes inn, you cant feel the happiness that is around you but you feel a sudden loss, an excruciating pain or a feeling that you have lost something important. You subconsciously feel hollow.You don’t know what it is and why this is happening but you can only feel it. It makes you annoyed to feel why this pain, and so sudden and you try to search within yourself the reasons but you cant find any….

This sudden exit from the now world makes one anxious, makes you want to run and find for the reasons, but you just cannot and would not; the happiness, joy nothing matters. When i was trying to search for reasons of such behaviour there were a lot of terms that popped inn but i couldn’t relate to any. This is because when you are trying to find answers for something which you yourself dont know how can science claim it is an mental illness or a deprivation of emotion. You do come out of this zone too but just the unknowing of the knowing is what makes it difficult.

There will be a lot of us who would relate to this and would feel what i say.. do let me know your thoughts on this..

Need….. or…. NoNeed…

Don’t you feel excited and overwhelmed to be the star in someone’s eyes . From amidst the crowd, you want someone to always be there for you, around you. The need to be wanted makes us feel on top of the world. Some are lucky to have one person and some have many around them. But it’s quite vicious as to how priorities keep changing and so do people.

Our connect to disconnect percentage is highly based on the days performance. A happy day, means we can chat with anyone and everyone throughout and a sad day, just wants you to avoid all the gaga and meet someone either tooo special or go n sleep without anyone.

What happens during this transition phase, do you change suddenly or they.. or it’s the way you see or they see you. It bothers me a lot when someone talks to me for hours and then suddenly disconnects for weeks. I kept believing until a certain period of time that it’s my fault, I must have done something that bothered the person… but as time passed by I realized, it’s not about that person or me, its about which phase I entered their life or vice versa. Once the phase is over, you move on to the next one with a new set.

At some point, we all have been through this phase… you mean the world to someone for a certain period of time and then boommmm your world comes crashing down…Taking out 5 mins from your whole day or week or month to talk to this person seems difficult.

Attachments do hurt, but what hurts more is knowing we held on to something for too long and so firmly that it got remolded.

Many of us find it difficult to let go. We try and hold on to things that keep hurting us with the fear of losing. Never realizing that the letting go is better than holding on to shattered pieces.

If love could be a free bird then feelings should be the sky….

De-Technifying–The new De-Tox

Having been away from the limelight feels so good and refreshing. I have been longing for a vacation since a decade and trust me each day was worth it during the last 30 days. You cherish each day of your vacation and I tried it by a new way, by “ De- Technifying”.

It is certainly a ritual that every photo we take on a vacation has to be uploaded on Insta, FB, we need to create stories and share what’s happening…. i remember running around looking for charging points in my previous trips as i was always eager to upload and check my feeds..even power banks gave up on me sometimes…

Try the other way around, try switching off your data and enjoy the moments instead. Live in them and try to relive them.  We try to capture our beautiful moments to create an unforgettable memory.. but in the process, we forget to cherish the real beauty with our own eyes. We see the world through a lens now a days and have forgotten that we could use our own eyes too.

Its like a dream I live now as I close my eyes, I see the greens, I feel the rain water dripping down my fingers, the smell of home made food, each moment is fresh and alive. Memories are born each minute and we can cherish them forever in our hearts only if we make it worth while it lasts…

Remember we made technology for our use and seems like technology is taking us for a ride..

Do share you experience if you have tried “De-Technifying”.

Can happiness really be found…

I have been reading about this one word “happiness” across the internet…. How to find happiness, 10 ways that lead to happiness, find your perfect happiness…. Does this term “Find Happiness” exist or it is just an illusion we create.

I really never understood how can you find happiness when it purely lies within you. You pave the way for it. You could go around the bush finding, asking happiness, but it will only find you, when you find yourself.

We are now so tech savvy that we try and find temporary happiness. Chatting with a stranger online, clicking selfie’s (many a times to prove a point to others), expensive clothes (even when you cannot afford them) unknowingly destroys your inner peace. These things do give a satisfaction, but you cannot label this satisfaction as happiness. A lot of you might disagree, but I do believe it is the truth. Life happens in-between small memories and we run behind making a whole movie to find one.

Happiness is not something to be found but merely be felt. Nothing can buy happiness unless you have the feeling within you that can make you smile. Lets create this smile for us and others.


Love remains…. Feelings don’t…..

Love is in the air today and so am I 🙂 …. The roses, the gifts, the redness all over my office is taking me to another world.

We all have had our share of experiences in love.. We fall in love, live in it and some fly out of it too soon to fall again. Do you remember the first time you fell in love, being tongue tied, racing heartbeats, the look in your eyes, the shyness, the blushing, the endless wait…. This just rushes me back in time, the day I met him.

Coming from the same neighbourhood, friendship taught us how we could bear each other even if meant killing each other the same time. Having known him from the age of 1, we knew this was meant to happen. The cupid will strike.. He being a sexy hunk who knew how to run his fingers through his hair and impress a girl with that smile(he still does) and me being the hottie around, making boys run for their money… IT HAPPENED.. Somewhere inbetween our small fights, arguments, late night walks, and never ending gossip… love happened…

The first love, the naïve love as some describe it, becomes very difficult to understand as having him as a friend for most of my life and suddenly the equation drift. From hitting each other to holding hand, from being his wingwomen to being HIS women, everything was so different. But what remained intact was our friendship even throughout the love saga. Going on long bike rides, introducing each other in front of friends as mates was a change altogether. Few guessed it before and few couldn’t digest it as you will always find thorns inbetween flowers. Those special years of our life will always be cherished.

Though parents did not allow us to go for late night parties, or night outs, being in the neighbourhood always helped as we could loiter around any time of the day. Days passed by and years did, love grew stronger and there was nothing else other than us that existed.

Few years later, the harsh reality called “LIFE” struck. He had to travel for his further education and I was pretty much in the same premises… Initially the distance dint matter as emails were sent on regular basis but as time passed by, life got busy and boommmm…. Those times, without this technology of video calls, facetime, constant social media, our relationship hit a setback. This distance created a huge gap in our relationship. Being away from each other for almost 2 years and communicating only by emails, drew us apart. Love remained…. Feelings seemed to disappear.

Ideally love is never to complicated, relationships are… The beauty of our relationship was that even after all this, when we met heads on, all the emotions came alive and love was back again, but the thought of separation was scary and we dint want to talk.  We had to decide to grow apart mutually or carry on with the long distance fights and kill our relation.. a decision had to be taken before he left, and this time for a longer period…

He always called me a destiny baby…as destiny has a plan for you always and it held true, we decided to live our life’s separately. This decision killed both of us… we both were petrified.. just soulless bodies in two different countries wanting to be back again… Life became a full stop. From being extroverts, we both turned introverts, alcohol was the next best friend, and we just wanted to date someone else to move on…an easy escape we thought…. nothing helped.. absolutely nothing…. We always made sure we update our whereabouts to each other as we just couldn’t cut off completely. We both lived similar life’s in different countries.

Somewhere this breakup taught us, we couldn’t be without each other. Anxious, we decided, after a year’s break, to be back together and stop ruining others life… life was beautiful again but short lived too…

Love is mystery as it can teach you to live with the person and to grow out of him too…

Happy Valentines day people ❤️

When love is not enough…..

“Have you been in love” is the first question I asked to this extremely handsome looking man I just met. I know I sounded stupid then as I couldn’t take my eyes off him, but he very gently brushed this question with his evil smile. This assured me that I am not the only one who asked him this. His beautiful green eyes, an envious sculpted body, a captivating smile and an exceptionally polite tone. Humorous, chivalrous, smart and a super talented gentleman. He was in many ways the perfect man I thought… or was it only a thought… It felt like a dream which I was seeing with open eyes..

We met through a project work and I always wondered how can this killer dude be so grounded. He had his values intact, respected women, even when he knew that they are crushing on him, he acknowledged it with elegance. It is not everyday we meet these type of men (I’m sure a lot of women might agree).

From working with him from day 1 until the project got over, everyday was a new story, a new life with him. Never have i felt so special, the way he made me feel with his presences, his eyes. He is possessive, protective and at the same time careless. All the eyes around us presumed that we were dating.. which wasn’t the story. We would always meet up in the mornings, made sure we have all our meals together and spent every minute around each other.

Can we have friendships in love is what I pondered on; as the way I feel for him wasn’t only as a friend and it wasn’t purely love either. I went ahead  and confessed what I felt for him and he admitted of having the same feeling. That day I discovered a new relationship, when love is not enough to fulfill a relation and friendship is way too behind.

It was never about sleeping with this man, or crushing on him… It  was more about being in love and respecting the fact that we can’t be together as partners and still falling in love each day.. It has been 2 years since we both know each other. Every single morning, we make sure we text, call whenever possible. The way he looks at me even today, gives me the same shiver when we first met… and for him as he says…. When I look at him, I still give him butterflies in his stomach….

Sometimes love is complicated, and sometimes we are….

Far Away… But Close Enough

My email is been bombarded with love messages, the network providers oozing with love offers… This amazing week is the Valentine week as they say or the V-Day….But do we really celebrate Valentine week after college?

It was a fancy during college days, who would take whom out, what to wear, where to go….and after all this fancy time, suddenly all the love vanishes as soon as the month is over…. like do we really need a day to celebrate love or is it just another game we play to fit inn. (I personally have no offenses in people celebrating this day happily. I would love to meet them someday…)

The V day has always been special as i have my best friends birthday falling a day prior to this day… so practically even if i wanted to go out on a date, i had to make sure she is with me 🙂

Having known her for more than a decade now, i know she is so far the best choice i made for myself . From writing each other assignments, to buying alcohol on our breakups.. we have seen a lot of ups and down.. to a point where we did not talk to each other for a year… but nothing could tear up apart, even that period of hate (touch wood). Closer by heart, but separated by distance is how we describe our self’s.

As they say, when you truly love someone, distance never plays an important role, and with her this holds true. It never worked out on love relationships, but with her, its magic… Its ironic, we both decided to part ways for our careers, relationships the same year and the same month. Its been 5 years now and we have met only once, but even today when we call each other our conversations start from where we left them. Its surprising on how beautifully the chemistry works which somehow never worked so good with our respective partners. Life is different when you have someone who can treat you the same way as they did 10 years back. Having to confide into someone when you want to; irrespective of a physical presence. It is truly one the best relationships to cherish forever. She is my 2 am friend, even if we are in different time zones… She have always inspired me to be a better person and continue doing so by staying with me as a ghost…

Indeed best friends are a blessing and should be always placed higher than your love is what i believe inn…. for love can change, friendships don’t…..

Friendships don’t just happen as love does… treasure it, preserve it and let them know today

Hugging Face on emojidex 1.0.34

A EAR to an Ailing heart

Often i have come across instances where we play the blame game; between friends, family, coworkers, our perfect soulmates 😏 ….   who’s wrong who’s right, who is perfect and who is not ….

Irritating as it sounds, but i recently had to babysit a married friend of mine. I could see it in her eyes that she is frustrated and almost battling her tears. One more minute of silence and she would be in depression. She had everything settled in her life… A perfect family, non-grumbling in-laws, a loving and caring husband, an adorable, cute, well behaved kid who was mature enough even before the age of 1.

Not everything you see is to believe i thought… While she cared for everyone around her, took interest in what others wanted, emotionally and physically catered to everyone, but no one to do things for her. She felt alone in this home crowd..I thought this is what happens to most of the married women… Sacrifice or rather willing do everything for others and later regret as to why they did not live their own lives.

Why to take oneself for granted. Maybe because of this, everyone else does and doesn’t value you. She spoke for hours and hours and i sat their with my cup of tea listening to the howling and weeping. And after this ended, she got up and was all set to to repeat the same practice. I tried advising her that don’t do things that don’t keep you happy; and she replied, “They are my happiness”.

Its strange how we perceive the world. But maybe what my friend needed is someone who could hear her out and not give advises. This is what a lot of people in the world need. Somebody to talk to.. We have sooo many friends, perfect relationships, but we cant go and confide into that one person in a problem.. It is depressing to read so many suicides happening around which can be stopped if we decide to talk to someone.

We cannot change the whole world… but we can start with one.